Let's Cut Some Hair

I got up this morning and when I looked in the bathroom mirror, I decided I needed a haircut. I got my mustache trimmer out and went to work. I trimmed the hair on the right side of my head and my trimmer went dead. Yep it is battery operated. My wife said, “Why don’t you just go spend ten bucks and get a hair cut?” I told her I could do it myself. I went and got the scissors out of the drawer in the china cabinet and went back to work. This time I trimmed the hair on the left side of my head. Well I took off too much and thought I had better quit. It does not look too bad if you do not look too close.
This is not the first time I thought I could cut hair. When our son Jeff was four years old, I cut his hair. No matter how you looked at his hair, it looked awful. I broke down and took him too the barbershop. I was wondering what I was going to tell the barber when we got there. I had thoughts of telling Jeff to tell the barber his mother did it. I knew if I told him that he would tell the barber I cut his hair. We all know little kids are painfully honest and I did not want him to tell I cut his hair. Anyway, we went into the barbershop and set down. We sit there a little while and they called Jeff to get his haircut. The first thing the barber asked was who cut this kids hair. Jeff must not have been paying attention because I said his mother cut his hair and Jeff never said a word. As we left the barbershop, the barber told me to keep his mother away from his hair. So I am pretty much thinking I might be able to point the finger at you know who when I go to get my next haircut. Until next time.
Norm

Raisins

Marie told me she had to stay out of the candy. Marie is my wife if you do not know it. I told her she would not eat anything good for her like raisins. She asked, “Have you ever read the nutrition facts on raisins? “ There were two boxes of raisins setting on our coffee table so I picked up a box and took a look at it. Right away, I lied to her about the nutritional facts on the side of the box. I told her total fat, sodium, total carb, fiber, sugars, and protein was all zero. I asked, “Do you believe that?” She said “no.” I then told her total fat was 0 gram, sodium 10 mg, total carb 33g, fiber 2g, sugars 30g, and protein 1g. Marie asked me “do you like raisins?” I said “not especially.” Then a thought come to me. I told her when I was a kid mom kept a box of raisins in the cupboard. When there was no candy in the house, I would get into the raisins and eat them. My next thought was my father would have had a fit if he knew I had my grubby little hands in the raisins.
Until next time
Norm